ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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