last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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