We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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