your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
