It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
