i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
barbara walters just said penis...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
