just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
