I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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