sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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