Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
