the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
