he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
