I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
