but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
