I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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