Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
