Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
