just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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