Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
