guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
