guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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