If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
