I'm going to jail i love you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
