Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
