Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
