just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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