I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
