This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
