Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
