Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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