You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
