Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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