I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
