so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i believe in u and ur pee
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
