I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
