I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
