ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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