I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
