Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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