i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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