the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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