Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
