I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
