god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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