Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
