I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
