she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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