He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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