Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
