Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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