I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
